For my portfolio I am deciding to revise my ad analysis. My strengths of the essay consisted mostly of my body paragraphs where I analyze the ad as a whole and use appropriate strategies to further emphasize analysis and better understand the message the ad is conveying. The weaknesses from my paper include my introduction where I struggle to generalize, narrow and all together produce a satisfactory and appropriate thesis for my essay. Also, paraphrasing my whole essay into my conclusion proves unsuccessful.
To effectively revise my essay I am going to better centralize my thesis and fabricate an exceptional introduction to help my audience better understand what it is I am going to analyze and not seem confused as they read further. I will continue to revise and go over essay as the due date closes. Also, I will make sure that my conclusion makes the reader feel as if they are completed and do not feel open ended at the end of the essay. I will try to better conclude my essay.
I am also going to thoroughly revise my essay as whole where I find errors or marks that you, Ms. Spencer, have made. In addition, I will make my sentences more clear and concise for a clean-written essay, and correct grammatical errors. Lastly, make sure my arguments are adequately supported from the evidence provided in the ad.
Friday, April 27, 2012
#13 Analyzing and Writing Arguments
I analyzed "Should the Obama Generation Drop Out." In that essay, the author used a colloquial tone to better relate with their audience. I believe using a colloquial tone could attract people at any educational level, and can be useful when trying to establish a connection with your readers. I will be aware that when writing I do not let my colloquial tone become something of a "slang" nature, otherwise my audience would feel that my paper is unprofessional and inappropriate.
I also learned that not having a counter argument, such as in the above article, can affect my trustworthy tone and ultimately ruin my argument. So, for my paper I will include a simple yet realistic counter argument to answer questions raised by my audience. This will prove to them I know what I am talking about and not just think I am aimlessly raising an argument just for fun.
From the article I also learned that I will raise an argument that can relate to most of the nation. For example, in the article it argues that the bachelors degree should be disqualified from job applications and have other tests of application instead to determine whether candidates are right for the job. This is relative because today everything is determined by your level of education and it is difficult to find a good job without a degree. This argument applies to students, which im sure everyone was or is now. As for my argument, I am arguing that my university should have dorms. Again, everyone at one point is or was a student, which strengthens my argument and also attracts readers.
I also learned that not having a counter argument, such as in the above article, can affect my trustworthy tone and ultimately ruin my argument. So, for my paper I will include a simple yet realistic counter argument to answer questions raised by my audience. This will prove to them I know what I am talking about and not just think I am aimlessly raising an argument just for fun.
From the article I also learned that I will raise an argument that can relate to most of the nation. For example, in the article it argues that the bachelors degree should be disqualified from job applications and have other tests of application instead to determine whether candidates are right for the job. This is relative because today everything is determined by your level of education and it is difficult to find a good job without a degree. This argument applies to students, which im sure everyone was or is now. As for my argument, I am arguing that my university should have dorms. Again, everyone at one point is or was a student, which strengthens my argument and also attracts readers.
#12 Thinking critically
My most convincing evidence is my claim that Northeastern University should make housing developments accessible for students because it would all together make for a more independent and rational student. I believe this argument is strong because a college is supposed it prepare their students for life post college, and having dorms could further fulfill that goal. My argument is structurally sound and readers can identify and relate to it. It also ties into my other paragraphs which in turn strengthens it even further. It shall be placed in the beginning of my essay to capture and keep the readers attention.
My weakest argument is how and where the funds would come from when building these residencies. I argue that alumni donations and tuition raises can be the answer. However, though alumni does give generous donations, it might not be enough to cover the hefty payments for one or more dormitories. Also, tuition raises would cause conflict between the university students and the students parents complaining that dorms are unnecessary and pricey or what have you.
My weakest argument is how and where the funds would come from when building these residencies. I argue that alumni donations and tuition raises can be the answer. However, though alumni does give generous donations, it might not be enough to cover the hefty payments for one or more dormitories. Also, tuition raises would cause conflict between the university students and the students parents complaining that dorms are unnecessary and pricey or what have you.
#11 Pattern of errors
I have noticed throughout the years some pattern of errors in my writing. I would have to say that one major one would have to be within my introduction paragraph, and perhaps for others as well. The introduction is perhaps the hardest paragraph of an essay. I always struggle on my opening paragraph and never know how to start off. I always find it hard to pick a strategy to start off with like using a question, quote, phrase, statistic or fact. I think that this affects my essay quite noticeably in so that the intro is everything. It is where the reader determines whether they want to read further or put it aside. Maybe I can work on my intro and depending on the subject at hand I can go about choosing an appropriate strategy for my intro.
The second would have to consist of myself also being wordy in my writing. I feel as if I am doing it now too. Usually I like more emphasis in my writing and sometimes my sentences turn into run-ons. Sometimes there is unnecessary jargon type language in my writing and it seems to put the readers off I suppose. Maybe I can go over my papers in the end a couple of times and try to fix sentences into 2 or 3 more sentences instead of just one big sentence. Also, revise revise revise!
Lastly, my most minor pattern of error would be repetition. Sometimes I run out of things to say and just repeat prior sentences in a different way just for filler. But I can't help it when I find what I am writing about to be uninteresting and boring. I can probably learn to suck it up and just do the best I can, because thats life, right? Well, time doesn't stop for me so might as well do it. Puh!
Extra Credit Blog
Though I know it is past due, I would like to talk about my vakay over spring break. I went to Cali! It was my first time visiting California and it was beautiful! It is absolutely nothing like Chicago. Out there, there are nothing but hills and trees! It stayed at a constant temperature as well, unlike Chicago where the temperature fluctuates every ten minutes. It was sunny and windy and it was overall just a great experience. I had the chance to visit three big theme parks out there. The first, Seaworld. It is exactly what you think it looks like. It is similar to the Shedd, but with whales. I saw a dolphin show, which was quite interesting I might say. Dolphins are really coordinated. I also got to see the Shamu show. Let me tell you, whales are so big! Bigger than anything you can possibly fathom; up close anyway. But believe me, they are big. Around the time I stopped being fascinated, was when they started to splash the audience. Well, I did get splashed and felt like I just jumped in a pool. Also, I messed up my phone because I had it out to take pics. Bad idea. Neverthless, it was fun. The second was Universal Studios. That place is amazing. Thrilling rides and pics with characters like Beetle Juice and the Lorax. The only thing I did not like, the Prices! Everything was so expensive I found it hard to bring anything back to Chicago. The Third place was Disneyland. I don't care how old you are Disneyland is one of the funnest places to go. I spent at least 10 hours there just walking around and going on rides. The funnest ride had to be the Indiana Jones ride. That one was great. But yea, It was a really fun time. California in general is an awesome place to visit. The weather is nice, the people are nice, everything is amazing there. Though I do admit I missed Chicago. It felt great sleeping in my own bed when I returned. :)
Assignment #10
First, I would like to start off by saying that I think peer review is a great way to get help and meet new people and should help somewhat as reading your own paper 5 times really just becomes a blur after while. As for this class, I did not really get to experience a peer review session that was even remotely helpful, for my paper anyway. For one, students are just not at the same level, and while that one student that gives great feedback and help, the other student just skims through your paper and since they do have enough knowledge on the topic, just give basic assessments on grammatical errors. It was really a take-take situation when it should be a give and take one.
As a peer reviewer, I feel as if I can bring a lot to the table. Not that I am gloating, but I do know a hefty amount of things that I could offer other students. At least when I did participate in peer review my peers have told me that what i said was quite helpful because they did not understand the assignment to begin with. Which actually made me feel really good. However, while I was giving, I was not receiving because they did not know enough about the assignment. So in the end i found the peer review not as effective as it could be.
My ideal peer review process would consist of having students at the same level peer review with the same level students. I think they deserve to get great feedback too. Though you might be asking "what about the students that don't really know anything, just put them all together to fend on their own"? Well, not necessarily. Those students can pair with the others and that way there is a great give and take relationship. Everything would be in equilibrium. Problem solved.
As a peer reviewer, I feel as if I can bring a lot to the table. Not that I am gloating, but I do know a hefty amount of things that I could offer other students. At least when I did participate in peer review my peers have told me that what i said was quite helpful because they did not understand the assignment to begin with. Which actually made me feel really good. However, while I was giving, I was not receiving because they did not know enough about the assignment. So in the end i found the peer review not as effective as it could be.
My ideal peer review process would consist of having students at the same level peer review with the same level students. I think they deserve to get great feedback too. Though you might be asking "what about the students that don't really know anything, just put them all together to fend on their own"? Well, not necessarily. Those students can pair with the others and that way there is a great give and take relationship. Everything would be in equilibrium. Problem solved.
Assignment #9
For my topic I am choosing to write about my college experience. So far I have encountered enjoyable moments such as making new friendships, and having fun and lenient classes. I have also enjoyed being able to choose my own times for classes as I work part-time. However, I probably have had more crappy experiences than enjoyable ones. I experienced a D last semester for a class. It was not the best feeling in the world and knowing that I had to retake the class and put in the effort all over again made my stomach churn. Even though I did not want to retake it, I knew I had to. Though I did not take it that well, I did see it as a sign telling me to step it up from there on out. It taught me that I can not slack off, because there is no make-up work at the end of the semester, or teacher-student conferences. It was a REAL wake-up call.
Apart from that, I suppose college is ok. I am still trying to get used to this whole "college life" thing where I am spending the whole day reading and the whole night writing. It really has been a struggle here in college, I just hope it gets better as I get past this nuisance of gen ed classes.
Apart from that, I suppose college is ok. I am still trying to get used to this whole "college life" thing where I am spending the whole day reading and the whole night writing. It really has been a struggle here in college, I just hope it gets better as I get past this nuisance of gen ed classes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)